CARNEGIE HALL – A recent study from the Psychology department has revealed that things are not going to be any better next year. “The data is clear: in the 2016-2017 school year nothing will improve. You will still be sad. You will still be lonely. And you will still have crushing amounts of work. We found there is absolutely no hope in next year being any better than this one,” said lead researcher Trisha Rommel ‘16, explaining that no matter what students might be picturing in their head for the upcoming year, it will fall short of any and all expectations, and most likely be even worse. “According to the research, any excitement about coming back and being on campus, whether it be to see friends or take new classes, will be snuffed out by the second week of the semester. It is healthy to be optimistic about the future, but the cold hard reality is that things will be shit next year too.” The study also found that things will actually improve for graduating seniors, until their loan deferment runs out.
Originally published in Allegheny College’s The Krampus.