Thousands Of Spiders Pour Into, Animate Stephen Bannon’s Empty Skin

WASHINGTON – Skittering across the floor, coming out of the walls, and descending from the ceiling, thousands of spiders reportedly poured into and animated Stephen Bannon’s empty skin. “I was dropping off a memo, but when I opened his door I was met with a sea of spiders flooding into the mouth of Mr. Bannon’s limp skin which was draped over the back of his chair. The flesh bulged and rippled as more and more spiders filed in, slowly bringing it to life” said White House intern Neil Kalum, adding that arachnids of all types entered into Bannon’s body suit, including tarantulas, black widows, and two large orb weaver spiders that nestled into the empty eye sockets. “Once the flesh sack was able to stand upright, it began to slowly shamble around the desk towards me. As it approached, it started to emit an unearthly screech which slowly transformed into Bannon’s voice, asking me if I knew how to knock. It reached out to touch me, so I ran and didn’t look back.” Additional sources confirmed that before Bannon left his office, hundreds of maggots wriggled from the ground and fused together in order to serve as his suit and tie.

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