Daily Multivitamin Pulling Majority Of Weight In Man’s Diet

CHICAGO – Sick and tired of not being recognized for all the work it’s doing for the body, Kevin Larson’s daily multivitamin has reportedly been pulling the majority of the weight in Larson’s diet. “I’m out here every day busting my butt, distributing essential nutrients for up to 12 hours, and do I get any help? No! Instead the big guy hired some nutritionless intern, which ended up being an entire can of Pringles who brought nothing to the diet besides salt, and he already has plenty of sodium, believe me,” said the vitamin, adding that the only rest it gets is during its thirty minute lunch break when the lettuce and tomato from Larson’s daily Big Mac clock in for a quick shift of Vitamin B replenishment. “And how about going outside to get Vitamin D?! I know the label says I can provide one hundred percent of the daily intake, but I’ve got more important jobs to focus on, like stretching my thirty milligrams of Vitamin C to last all day because Lord knows he isn’t eating fruit anytime soon.” At press time, the multivitamin was beginning to fear that it had been laid off as it has been four days since Larson opened the vitamin bottle.

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