Segway Tour Leaves Most Unbalanced Member Behind To Keep Herd Strong

CHICAGO – Making a sacrifice necessary to survive in the brutal urban jungle, a Segway sightseeing tour left their slowest, most unbalanced member behind in order to keep the herd strong, sources confirmed Monday. Certain that moving at the unsteady rider’s pace would jeopardize the security of the whole tour, the group reportedly let natural selection run its course by migrating across the street while their fellow tourist feebly wobbled and lagged half a block behind them. According to witnesses, the herd moved forward with renewed vigor after casting aside their weakest link and refused to turn back, even as they heard the abandoned segwayist’s howls for them to return and fend off the predatory panhandlers beginning to circle it. Sources later confirmed the off-balance sightseer made one last effort to rejoin the helmeted pack that was fading into the distance but was quickly hunted down by a Greyhound while crossing an intersection.

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